He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
