I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
