9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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