She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
