So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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