You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
