so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
