areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
