she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
