come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
