I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
