p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
