yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
