i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
