Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
