So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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