I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
