He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
