I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
