i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
