I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
