Your mouth is God's brothel.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
