Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
