I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
