i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
