If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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