Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
