I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
