I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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