Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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