My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize