I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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