I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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