I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
