Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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