What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
