Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
