omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
3pm strippers are depressing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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