i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
