it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
