she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
