TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
