Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
