I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
