When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I could fuck to npr.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize