the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
