wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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