I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize