So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
there is puke in my bra ... again
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