did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
