Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
