I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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