You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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