He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
