They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize