if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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