eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
