I wish you could order shots online.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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