I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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