Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
