If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
