I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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