I just pynch a tree in the face
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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