i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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