Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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