I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
