The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
