I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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