I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
