Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
