Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
