You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
