I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize