Someone shit on the floor
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
