I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
