so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
