My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
