We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
