she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
