is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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