Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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