I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
