omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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