ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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