You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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