can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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